Be the cringe compilation you wish to see in the world
Carmen || 30 || she/her
Lover of bacteria, theatre, and creative writing. This blog has never really had a theme and it still doesn't; I'm just chilling here. Originally from Alaska, currently trying to deal with living in the Lower 48.
writing tip: searching “[place of origin]ish names” will get you a lot of stuff and nonsense made up by baby bloggers.
searching “[place] census [year]” will get you lists of real names of real people who lived in that place.
I feel like I’m constantly shilling for them but BehindTheName.com, the only baby name site that doesn’t feel like it’s run by mommy bloggers, includes census-based graphs for dozens of countries/regions (though not all of them go back very far yet)
And you can expand them to see rank, number of babies, and percentage of babies and add a second name to compare. (in 1973 four percent of babies were named Jennifer! 1 in 25!!!)
Also this. Cursed.
@homoqueerjewhobbit what name did you search for your example, and what’s going on with Moldova?
Those are the graphs for Samuel. They only have 1 year’s data for Moldova right now, so that’s why it’s a straight line. Similarly, they only have 2 years for Mexico right now. The US goes back to 1880. I’m not sure how much of that is publicly available/translated records and how much of it is that it’s like 1 or 2 guys maintaining a website of 27000 names and a finite amount of time to format and upload.
You can’t advertise BehindTheName for writers without mentioning the advanced search! You can search names based on cultural origin and usage, gender (including unisex), meaning, and even things like meter and number of syllables, or famous namesakes (you can also see a list of famous namesakes on every name’s page, along with meaning, history, related names, alternate spellings in different languages, the above popularity graphs, and more).
I wouldn’t even call BehindTheName a baby name site. They have a surname sister site and a random name generator with tons of variables to set that is very clearly intended to be used for fictional characters (iirc it can even generate a cause of death? I haven’t looked at it in many years so it might have changed but these things predate generative AI so unless it’s been forcefully enshittified it shouldn’t be slop). Like, you can use it for baby names, but the website isn’t explicitly intended for that purpose. This website caters to us.
Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: He’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.
These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow-up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in 10 of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of 10, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.
Damn, this made me think of all the “shouting into the void” social media posts everyone makes. Just bids for connection. From ANYONE.
I think that is ABSOLUTELY what a lot of that is. Our culture is very isolated (even BEFORE covid!), and we’re desperate to connect with others. I read an article one time that suggested that childcare workers stop saying that a child is “Just wants attention” and start saying that the child is “looking for connection.” We’re starved for it even from childhood.
When they are speaking about a passion, respond to children as if you would a tenured professor at a prestigious university, and to an adult as if you would a child free of the burdens of adulthood.
Children are desperate to teach the wonders of the world that they know, that they have just learned, and share it with anyone interested. Adults pour passion they didn’t know they had into voluntary obligations, and crave a simple acknowledgment of that passion as being worthy and valid.
“Dear third grader, tell me exactly why you chose <x> as you third favorite carnivorous dinosaur instead of second, as specifically as possible.”
“Hey neighbor, your vegetable garden is absolutely gorgeous this year…and no I’m not just saying that because the tomatoes you gave me last year were absolute perfection.”
And if you can’t respond to the emotional bid at that moment, let them know you heard them. If there’s a gorgeous bird outside, ask your loved one to take a picture so you can share in it together. But by god, hear them. Tell them they were listened to.
That *is* a response though! Telling someone “I’m busy/low on energy right this moment, but if it’s possible, I’d love for you to show me this thing later” works just fine. At least so long as you establish a pattern of actually following up on it, even if it’s just going “hey, wasn’t there a thing you wanted to show me? a bird?”
Most people hate being told “later”, but that’s just because most people who say “later” really mean “I can’t be bothered”.
Okay so Victorian erotica is literally the most heinous, morally bankrupt, horrific shit I’ve ever read - but I’ve read a fair bit, partly from historical interest but also because a while back I helped a friend with a university project she was doing about censorship and pornography in 19th century England.
Anyway I need to share with you all the most hilarious line that has ever been written, circa 1887:
I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella’s body, and that’s why the third priest’s penis is described in this way: from the narrator’s perspective it literally blots out the sky.
are you guys hearing about this dude working to developing a vaccine for cats that he’s hoping would like. theoretically double their lifespans?
turns out i wasn’t making that up, his name is Dr. Toru Miyazaki! he also wrote a book called “The Day Cats Live To Be Thirty”, so cats are kind of his thing.
apparently, cats’ kidneys tend to be the thing that takes them down, something about their bodies being unable to self-clean their kidneys, and the vaccine is supposed revitalize the body’s ability to do just that. It would be very VERY fucking cool to have cats suddenly reaching 30 years of age be the normal thing.
I was going to follow you just to unfollow to be funny, but I actually want to respectfully say that both kids and adults who use bot platforms like CAI and other generative tools while minding their business aren’t the “enemy” to be shamed. People choosing to write silly little love stories with a predictive bot that brings them comfort is such a weird hill to fight people on tbh and brings a lack of compassion to the table I don’t really like
Shaming gen ai users is so reminiscent of the whole “how dare McDonald’s employees want a living wage!” when the actual damage of gen AI use lies with the unethical practices of the companies (via scraping, environmental, etc). Yes people using them doesn’t help, but if people stopped using gen AI it would be integrated in other, more insidious ways that society couldn’t avoid which is something they’re already doing btw. You probably use gen AI and don’t even know it, esp if you have any android or google products at all.
so idk at least be consistent in your moralism if ur gonna get on ur soapbox
no, its my blog, and i am shaming you. I think youre a loser and dont want you on my blog. Do you think someone working for a LIVING WAGE is the same thing as using c.ai to talk to deku my hero academia? Rp with someone. You loser.
